Secure in Solitude

By Alex Nichols

This is part three of a nine-part series on spiritual disciplines meant to edify the church on disciplining ourselves to fulfill Jesus’ commandment to love one another. Now more than ever, we need to be reminded, challenged, exhorted, and conscious of what we’re doing with our time and how we’re disciplining ourselves according to God and his word.

Silence & Solitude

There are few spiritual disciplines that many are more afraid to do than silence and solitude. We need not look very far in our culture to see that being still, quiet, and in solitude is not considered appealing. Jesus has spectacularly, and kindly, done well at showing us this reality during the pandemic that we have continued to endure. 

Personally and in our community group, we continue to share how we have all found this to be true: it is hard to be silent and alone. Many of us have realized more than ever that we are wired for community and desire to be in the presence of each other more regularly again. We have also realized that we have trained ourselves in not actually dealing with reality itself. We are continuing to run at a pace that is not sustainable, not wise, and will lead to our destruction in various ways. 

Silence and solitude are difficult disciplines because we’ve trained ourselves to do the complete opposite. We’ve convinced ourselves that what we need most is to never stop going, never stop completing, and if anything slows us down we will plow through that obstacle to continue with our personal mission. Others struggle with understanding the vast difference between laziness and intentional silence and solitude. We’ve lost the vision and purpose of why we slow down. The purpose of silence and solitude is primarily meant to reorient or reform minds and hearts to God and his word, and process our current circumstances with God our Father. 

Silence and solitude are no longer current virtues because we’ve replaced both with a counterfeit. These counterfeits seem harmless and appeal to the desires of the heart which can often reveal present idolatry. It could include an overindulgence of media from binge-watching television, social media, podcasts, or music. All of which are not bad in and of themselves, but are not themselves silence and solitude. We’ve replaced the joy of silence and solitude with a slew of tasks, personal goals, and entertainment which create mental noise. 

At the root of this behavior to never stop and slow down, is a deeply fearful and insecure heart. Below the surface is a reality that we don’t want to wrestle with or process what we are thinking and feeling. These emotions we experience could range anywhere from childhood wounds, deep anxiety or depression, being deeply unsatisfied with our current circumstances in life, or unrepentant secret sin. Dealing with any of our well-rooted fears or insecurities is not easy, it feels and can look quite overwhelming, so we suppress it, ignore it, and move on. In spite of our fears of getting alone with our thoughts and emotions, silence and solitude are essential in the lives of those who follow Christ. We’ve lost our understanding of what silence and solitude are meant for, why we should make it a discipline, and what it may look like to execute and pursue both. 

Conformity to Christlikeness

Scripture teaches that Jesus regularly practiced silence and solitude. In the Gospel according to Mark, we see the following events occur within the first chapter: Jesus calls his first disciples (Mark 1:16-20), he performs an exorcism (Mark 1:21-28), then again in Mark 1: 29-34 we see that Jesus, “..healed many who were sick with various diseases and cast out many demons.” Immediately after, verse 35 says, “And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed.” Similarly in Luke 5:16, he recalls, “But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray.” The point is that Jesus himself amidst the chaos, and the work, knew that he needed to get alone with God the Father. 

In his commentary on the book of Luke, Darrell Bock says, “In the quietness that comes privately after a rapid rush of the event comes the solace and gaining of perspective that keeps Jesus close to God.” David Garland in his commentary on Mark adds, “He came out of the village to find seclusion to prepare himself through prayer to go out on his mission to preach the kingdom.” We can imagine how Jesus used this time to process with God about what happened and how he was feeling. Undoubtedly, this time prepared him for what was to come, and his mission of spreading the gospel.

Transformation

Silence and solitude are ultimately about being, “transformed by the renewal of your mind (Rom 12:2b),” growing in godliness and therefore bringing glory to Jesus. When we retreat to be with our Father in heaven, we do it purposefully as Jesus did, because the mission is greater than ourselves! We take a moment to silently seek God before we walk in our front door because we know we are prone to lash out in anger and impatience to our kids and spouse. We can practice silence and solitude at the stoplight when we realize we’re not ok, and need to ask why. With the discipline of silence and solitude comes the discipline of being honest with ourselves and God, and asking ourselves difficult questions with the help of the Holy Spirit.

Silence and solitude can be implemented in many ways and can take many forms. It’s important we understand that we must make a plan to enact these disciplines. Even with a plan, things change and may be more difficult than expected. For example, our silence and solitude could look like a block of time each morning alone, quiet, and in God’s word. However, for whatever reason, if this is not feasible, we must then consider what it could look like to spend time in intermittent silence and solitude throughout the day alone and quiet with King Jesus. We should strongly consider intermittent segments throughout the day to get alone with our Father in heaven. It would be wise and helpful to consider the place in which we meet alone with the Father. It wouldn’t make sense for us to sit at our desk, or a coffee shop if we’re highly distracted and our attention at that moment is not fully fixed on Jesus. If you are still wrestling with how to accomplish this, work through this idea with your community group or ask someone in the faith you respect.

Finally, a special note to husbands and fathers with young children. Your wife needs silence and solitude after tirelessly loving, stewarding, and caring well for your children. Consider how you might regularly step into the picture to allow them to retreat for their sake. Trust that this would prove to be fruitful, beneficial, and life-giving to the entire family. There are so many ways in which silence and solitude can be implemented. May we ultimately see as we meet with Jesus that we are being transformed by the renewal of our minds for his glory, and the good of others. Because of our adoption as sons and daughters through Jesus, it is in our silence and solitude with God in which we have true strength and security. 

Silence and solitude are not about leaving people, but better loving people. We will find ourselves continuing to fail in our attempts to achieve Jesus’ mission if we do not practice the same discipline that Jesus did. Otherwise, we may strive to be loving like Jesus but do not process with God regularly to seek his love and grace that we need to show others. To be more like Jesus we must discipline ourselves to find time to practice silence and solitude. We use the space solitude gives us to better love our families and neighbors. To be alone with God in silence is the place of strength for our souls. It is the very place in which we abide in Christ (John 15:5). The reality is that when we truly begin understanding, practicing, and experiencing the joy of silence and solitude, we will experience personal and relational growth with King Jesus for the purpose of kingdom advancement. 

Here are some articles for additional reading on the importance of silence and solitude:

Recovering Lost Disciplines - Article from Ligonier Ministries: https://www.ligonier.org/learn/articles/recovering-lost-disciplines/

Suggested ways to do silence and solitude - Article from Desiring God: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/take-a-break-from-the-chaos

Creating space for solitude: https://anglicancompass.com/embracing-solitude-in-a-season-of-social-distancing/