Church is … Something We Should Love
By Alex Nichols
Over and over again in Scripture, we see that the church is the bride of Christ. Ideally, in a marriage, the bride and bridegroom have a zeal for one another’s general good. They care deeply for one another, and as many wedding ceremonies go, both the bride and bridegroom vow to love each other until death. And so, they “tie the knot” and celebrate with friends and family. There’s feasting, music, laughter, awkward speeches, and first dances. In our culture, the wedding day is seen as one of the most important moments in a couple's marriage.
The first day of marriage and the party to follow is indeed a beautiful thing. Sadly though, so many couples move forward in life only to look back months or years later (if they’re lucky) and see their wedding day and the days spent on the honeymoon as their best days. It’s no wonder that so many marriages fail. While the ceremony is grand there’s a great misplaced focus on that day all too often because the most important day is not the first day of marriage, it’s the last.
This covenanted relationship between man, woman, and God, can be used as a model for covenanted membership within a church. It is not the same thing, because a membership covenant is different from a marriage vow, but they nonetheless parallel. Primarily, both speak to dedicated cultivation within the relationship, looking at the days in between the first and the last rather than just focusing on the first. As we consider how we love the church, we should not elevate the first days of our covenant and commitment with the church because (just as in marriage) it’s not just about the first day, it’s about the last and all of the events that happen in between. This is no small matter.
What’s really happening at a wedding is that two individuals are covenanting together before the God of the universe. It’s not about the paper. It’s not about the ring. It’s about God. As The Well’s covenant currently states, “One of the ways we express a committed relationship in our culture is by signing an agreement…In the context of marriage, in particular, it is the supreme demonstration of love because it says ‘I am committing myself to you and no one else.’”
Covenant With The Church
So how do we love the church? We covenant with the bride of Christ. We lay our lives down for the church (Eph 5) by serving and sacrificing our time, talent, treasure, and we don’t run when things get messy or hard (more on this later). Additionally, we covenant fully to one body. Just as in marriage we covenant to be committed to that individual and no one else; it is for our good and those around us that we covenant with Jesus’ church alongside other brothers and sisters, committing to, rather than dating the church. Why?
Hebrews 13:17 says, “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls…” This implies intentional care, accountability, encouragement, which also implies we’re around enough and present at our church for leaders to know us. Next, if you’re familiar with the church in Corinth at all you know that they were far from perfect. In fact, there were cases of sexual perversion happening and no one was going, “Hey maybe that’s not a good idea” ( see 1 Cor 5). Sin was rampant and hardly (if at all) truly dealt with. Paul says, “…I could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not ready, for you are still of the flesh. While there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?” (1 Cor 3: 1-3). When we covenant with the church, we love the church by confronting sin in one another in love.
Confronting In Love
That means that we sometimes have to have uncomfortable, hard, and awkward conversations. What often happens is when we forgo the difficult conversation we are ultimately not caring well for our brother or sister. At best we perhaps, without even knowing it, elevate our own feelings and pride above the good and well-being of those that we have covenanted alongside. At worst, we think it is someone else’s responsibility and so we never actually grow and mature together as a body because one piece of iron is unwilling to sharpen the other.
What was happening in Corinth was quite the opposite. Sin was known and unaddressed and as a result, it spread throughout the church. Paul says, “Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump?” (1 Cor 5:6). This doesn’t mean it’s our job to beat each other up, but it does mean when we covenant with the church then the way that we love the church is committing to help one another put sin to death with the help of the Holy Spirit (Rom 8:13).
The result of this is growth, maturity, and the flourishing of the bride of Christ! Sometime after the wedding ceremony when the couple is living together, they usually begin to see with striking clarity the sin and selfishness still lingering in their hearts and in one another. The days after the ceremony reveal the weaknesses and areas for spouses to grow and of which to repent. The same can be said of our covenant with the church and aim to love the church well. Paul says in 2 Timothy 3: 16-17, “All scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be completed, equipped for every good work.” God is giving us an opportunity for the entire church to grow in Christlikeness, and that can only happen when we understand what it means to truly covenant with and love the church. When we are passive and believe the lie that, “I’m not the pastor, I’m not close with them, it’s not my responsibility, so I won’t say anything,” we fall prey to our own selfish motives, allow sin to spread, and we dishonor Christ in our disobedience.
Unfortunately, there may come a time in a Christian’s life where they have to leave the church, and all too often we see this happening on grounds that are far from biblical. This includes various things that are auxiliary in importance to the gospel, such as not liking the aesthetics, the music, or whether your felt needs are being met by the leadership, etc. Just as in a marriage, there are good and godly reasons to leave a church body with which you are a covenanted member. Therefore, another way that we can love the church is to leave well when or if it comes to that.
While no-cause divorce is common in our culture, as often demonstrated by celebrities, biblical marriages do not end when the groom finds out that his wife isn’t perfect, is often disrespectful to him, and is also really really messy. Nor does it end when the bride determines the groom is lazy, not good at expressing emotions other than anger and hunger, and is, to her, unobservant and a poor leader. Instead, they must work on it together, for they represent the covenanted unity between Christ and his bride, the church. That cannot be easily broken, so husband and wife must confess sin and repent, and together go to the foot of the cross to mature and grow, which worships God rather than themselves. Likewise, this is how we ought to treat the church. But all too often we’re surprised that the church is messed up and full of broken people so we run and never commit.
The Effect of Sin
Of course in negative cases of sin, heresy, abuse, and positive cases of God actually calling a member to move, one should leave in order to obey God. We just have to be careful on whether those legitimate reasons are actually present, or if instead, we are manufacturing them in order to justify our leaving. When it comes to issues and preferences that are secondary to the gospel, as well as issues of personality and chemistry, perhaps we should be willing to apply grace to others as we would want them to have grace on us, and indeed as Christ has shown us grace on the cross.
Just as in a marriage of sinners, the church is a family of sinners. Sometimes people get hurt through sin from someone they are close to. It is unfortunate, but it is also part of being human beings on this side of Eden. There are a number of responses and counseling scenarios that apply but are not within the scope of this article. Instead, let us encourage you to follow the example laid out by Jesus in Matthew 18:15-20. If you are hurt by someone at your church (in ways that are not clearly abuse or illegal) then may we first go to that person and lean into the hard conversation of dealing with it. Then if necessary include one or two others if the matter is not resolved. Only then does Jesus say that you should then consider the person as someone outside the church. If you have done everything you can to win your brother or sister back by humbly sharing with them how you’ve been wronged or hurt, and attempting to reconcile, but without repentance, then that may be grounds to treat that person as a non-Christian.
Soul Care
Taking that principle and applying it to church membership means we should have a long runway of diligent heart work and soul care with each other before leaving the body. And, if leaving is what is called for, by God, then what would be less than kind, less than loving, and less than God-honoring, would be to go and begin gossiping to others how bad that church is. This is like a married man fighting with his wife, “working through” the wounds and hurt that are there, and then afterward the man goes and slanders his wife to his buddy. It honors no one, let alone God. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” I’m not arguing that sin shouldn’t be exposed, but if we feel the need to tell the world about how hurt we are, it begs the question, “Are we ok?” This reaction reveals what is actually in our hearts.
As we consider loving the church, the ultimate aim and goal are often difficult because it requires us to lay down our lives for others just as Christ laid his down for us. It requires us to die daily to our own will, our own desires, and ponder the question, “What does God want?” When we consider loving the church, if our answer is disconnected from glorifying God, and making much of Christ it’s safe to say that we’ve missed the mark.